ADVANCED TRAFFIC SYSTEMS IN INDIA INC. - INSIGHT INDIA

As globalization progresses traffic on Indian roads operates on the principle of optimal use of minimal space. In general the idea, you can say, is that in space a rat can get through a cat must try to.
So...if there's space a pedestrian can barely squeeze through, that's where a two-wheeler must try to shoot through. If there's space enough for a two-wheeler to go through, that's where an autorickshaw must try to swerve through. If there's space enough for an autorickshaw to go through, that's where a car must try to race through. If there's space enough for a car to go through, that's where bigger public transport and heavy vehicles must try to bulldoze through. On Indian roads you see daredeviltry at its peak.
Of course, accidents are inevitable due to such optimal utilization of space. In a country rising on the wings of globalization, that doesn't really matter.

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KICKING IT UP ABROAD - INSIGHT INDIA

A recent news report spotlighted the affluence of Indians in Santa Clara county, Silicon Valley. I remembered 1998. IT boom time! The Bay Area atmosphere bubbled like champagne. If you saw a group of excited Indians huddled over latte and muffins in a Starbucks they could be talking of a start-up. Or buy-out rumours. A 'bought-out' young man in his early thirties laughed and told me: 'Here, Indian millionaires are as common as dandruff!' This is great! I thought.

But soon I noticed that propensities hadn't changed. Like the craving to show-off among each other. An upwardly mobile Bay Indian had to buy a BMW. And then a mansion on an upscale hillside. And proclaim both acquisitions to friend and foe.

Another thing I noted was the tendency to gravitate into 'back home' affinity groups. An Andhra group. A Maharashtrian group. And so on.

But the next propensity was even more telling. At the Naz, a Hindi movie house, the last show crowd of Indians, Pakistanis etc. left the place a junkyard of paper glasses, wrappers and pop-corn bags. What was unfair was that the same people wouldn't leave a bit of litter at the 26-theatre Century 26 showing Western movies. Why not? Simply, because they would not be allowed to get away with it.

The news report mentions an Indian entrepreneur's comment that Indians flourish in the U.S. not just because of education, but because the diversity of India's people prepared them better for dealing with America's diversity. I wonder if that is blatant obfuscation or the man has forgotten home - the endless battles that go on over water, caste, religion, language and you-name-it. (For more INDIA REALITIES stories see www.myspace.com/india_realities)

THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS AND UNCARING - INSIGHT INDIA

Divali, the Festival of Lights, is India's most spectacular celebrations. Though it's not openly admitted, the day after it's over should be called the Festival of Divali Debris. That's when concerned citizens complain in Letters columns of newspapers about the failure of local authorities in clearing the fireworks litter spread in public places. This year a major news channel went one better. They reported directly from Delhi streets, showed us piles of Divali litter, and slammed the civic authorities.

Now note the difference. Last year on July 4th, America's Independence Day, I was in a town in the U.S. The dawn sky sparkled with the lights and color of fireworks. But there were no explosions of crackers. I went for a jog and saw a family preparing for fireworks on the road. They were placing orange traffic cones to mark an area (that would not obstruct traffic) near their side of the pavement. An hour later I returned. The cones were gone. No one was around. I looked around eagerly for the debris of fireworks. Strangely, I couldn't find the tiniest scrap. The family had cleaned up the road when they finished. Woo! Unbelievable!

Obviously, there is a world of difference between citizens who only complain and citizens who care. (For more INDIA REALITIES stories see www.myspace.com/india_realities)

BANGALORE BANISHES BIRDS - INSIGHT INDIA

In Juhu, Bombay, in '85, we woke up to the merry racket of a thousand sparrows in a bushy tree. Bulbuls fluted bubbly tunes in the peepul opposite our window. And the green of little coppersmiths flitted among the tree's leaves. Gangs of plump mynas hopped around on the grass, pecking breakfast, shrieking like kids at play.

We came to Bangalore that year. The town was much greener than Bombay. But there were fewer birds. Many trees here were ornamental, not the kind bearing the fruits birds like.

So what's the scene like today in globalized Bangalore? There's not a single sparrow to be seen. On a lucky day you may hear a lone bulbul fluting. If you walk around a while you may see a myna. Not in a noisy, playful group. Just one or a pair. They are not plump any more. They look thin. Starved. And they rarely make a sound. At best, a feeble cheep.

The number of glass buildings and big cars are growing by the day in Bangalore. But the city has banished birds. No, that's not the whole truth. You will see a lot more crows than before. And that's because there's a lot more garbage lying on the roadsides.

Sorry, these lines are not funny. Maybe they are sad. And if this is the way globalization is going, maybe there's a lot more sadness awaiting those who are celebrating today. (For more INDIA INSIGHT stories see www.myspace.com/india_realities)

INSIGHT INDIA - RENAMING ACHIEVEMENTS

In Portland, Oregon, they told me Madras was a little way north. There's no Madras any more in India though. The name was changed to Chennai. Bombay and Calcutta too were renamed Mumbai and Kolkata. As this kind of patriotic progress continues in India more names 'smelling' of foreign rule, some known worldwide, will vanish. And soon Bangalore - of 'Bangalored' fame - will be (un)known as Bengalooru.

To find those vanished names you'll have to go to less patriotic lands. Like the U.S. - which has no less than six Delhis, from towns to small communities. Besides, America has hundreds of place and street names in-sourced freely from across the world.

For those Indian politicians who thrive on instant achievements like changing city names, the patriotism meter reading for the U.S. is a big fat zero. But you can bet they are waiting for superpower numero uno to outsource the work, so that they can change Madras to Chennai and so on in the U.S.

BUSHY FAIRYTALES - LUCKY MIDDLE EAST!

It seems there will be no quick end to the good Mr. Bush and friends will do before they decide enough is enough. Crony Blair is already swinging as Special Envoy to bring peace to the Middle East. No peaceful retirement for him. But if there's anyone who can turn that whole region (not just Iraq) into a haven of tranquillity - other than GWB himself - it's Blair. Lucky Middle East!

Let's think what other Bush friends can do for the world after retirement.

Rumseld will make an ideal Special Envoy for Human Rights. No greater lover of human rights anywhere on this earth. And Dick Cheney? Oh, he'll be a fine Special Envoy for Environment Protection. No one better qualified. Oil companies and those reconstructing Iraq (after a thorough deconstruction) will heave a huge sigh of relief.

What about President Bush himself? You bet he'll be the best Special Envoy to Denmark. Denmark? Yes, Denmark. Why Denmark? Because it's the home of Hans Christian Andersen, the master of fairytales. Because Bush is no mean fairytale teller himself. Remember? Saving the world from WMD? Saving Iraq from Iraqis? Mission Accomplished? Remember how dashing he looked on that warship's deck in a fighter pilot's suit?

When those four Special Envoys have accomplished their missions, we can all sit back, put up our feet on the rubble and say: 'What a lucky world!'

INSIGHT INDIA - ANOTHER WAY TO GET BANGALORED

Here's another way to get Bangalored. Lesser known than outsourcing. And it happens if you are innocent enough to trust the dictionary meaning of words. In Bangalore-speak, for example, 'It will be definitely done,' could as well mean 'You can keep on hoping,' or 'I'll forget about this in two minutes.' 'I'll see you tomorrow,' could mean the speaker will see you next week, next month, or anywhere from here to eternity. 'It'll work. 100%. Guaranteed,' could mean 'It depends on your luck, man,' or 'Don't be stupid! Who can guarantee anything on this earth?'

Luckily, there are exceptions. People who betray Bangalore-speak.

So this is one way to get Bangalored you can easily avoid. How? Just don't trust your dictionary. That's the trick. Simple enough. I assure you it will work. Definitely! Guaranteed! A 100%!