KICKING IT UP ABROAD - INSIGHT INDIA

A recent news report spotlighted the affluence of Indians in Santa Clara county, Silicon Valley. I remembered 1998. IT boom time! The Bay Area atmosphere bubbled like champagne. If you saw a group of excited Indians huddled over latte and muffins in a Starbucks they could be talking of a start-up. Or buy-out rumours. A 'bought-out' young man in his early thirties laughed and told me: 'Here, Indian millionaires are as common as dandruff!' This is great! I thought.

But soon I noticed that propensities hadn't changed. Like the craving to show-off among each other. An upwardly mobile Bay Indian had to buy a BMW. And then a mansion on an upscale hillside. And proclaim both acquisitions to friend and foe.

Another thing I noted was the tendency to gravitate into 'back home' affinity groups. An Andhra group. A Maharashtrian group. And so on.

But the next propensity was even more telling. At the Naz, a Hindi movie house, the last show crowd of Indians, Pakistanis etc. left the place a junkyard of paper glasses, wrappers and pop-corn bags. What was unfair was that the same people wouldn't leave a bit of litter at the 26-theatre Century 26 showing Western movies. Why not? Simply, because they would not be allowed to get away with it.

The news report mentions an Indian entrepreneur's comment that Indians flourish in the U.S. not just because of education, but because the diversity of India's people prepared them better for dealing with America's diversity. I wonder if that is blatant obfuscation or the man has forgotten home - the endless battles that go on over water, caste, religion, language and you-name-it. (For more INDIA REALITIES stories see www.myspace.com/india_realities)

THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS AND UNCARING - INSIGHT INDIA

Divali, the Festival of Lights, is India's most spectacular celebrations. Though it's not openly admitted, the day after it's over should be called the Festival of Divali Debris. That's when concerned citizens complain in Letters columns of newspapers about the failure of local authorities in clearing the fireworks litter spread in public places. This year a major news channel went one better. They reported directly from Delhi streets, showed us piles of Divali litter, and slammed the civic authorities.

Now note the difference. Last year on July 4th, America's Independence Day, I was in a town in the U.S. The dawn sky sparkled with the lights and color of fireworks. But there were no explosions of crackers. I went for a jog and saw a family preparing for fireworks on the road. They were placing orange traffic cones to mark an area (that would not obstruct traffic) near their side of the pavement. An hour later I returned. The cones were gone. No one was around. I looked around eagerly for the debris of fireworks. Strangely, I couldn't find the tiniest scrap. The family had cleaned up the road when they finished. Woo! Unbelievable!

Obviously, there is a world of difference between citizens who only complain and citizens who care. (For more INDIA REALITIES stories see www.myspace.com/india_realities)

BANGALORE BANISHES BIRDS - INSIGHT INDIA

In Juhu, Bombay, in '85, we woke up to the merry racket of a thousand sparrows in a bushy tree. Bulbuls fluted bubbly tunes in the peepul opposite our window. And the green of little coppersmiths flitted among the tree's leaves. Gangs of plump mynas hopped around on the grass, pecking breakfast, shrieking like kids at play.

We came to Bangalore that year. The town was much greener than Bombay. But there were fewer birds. Many trees here were ornamental, not the kind bearing the fruits birds like.

So what's the scene like today in globalized Bangalore? There's not a single sparrow to be seen. On a lucky day you may hear a lone bulbul fluting. If you walk around a while you may see a myna. Not in a noisy, playful group. Just one or a pair. They are not plump any more. They look thin. Starved. And they rarely make a sound. At best, a feeble cheep.

The number of glass buildings and big cars are growing by the day in Bangalore. But the city has banished birds. No, that's not the whole truth. You will see a lot more crows than before. And that's because there's a lot more garbage lying on the roadsides.

Sorry, these lines are not funny. Maybe they are sad. And if this is the way globalization is going, maybe there's a lot more sadness awaiting those who are celebrating today. (For more INDIA INSIGHT stories see www.myspace.com/india_realities)

INSIGHT INDIA - RENAMING ACHIEVEMENTS

In Portland, Oregon, they told me Madras was a little way north. There's no Madras any more in India though. The name was changed to Chennai. Bombay and Calcutta too were renamed Mumbai and Kolkata. As this kind of patriotic progress continues in India more names 'smelling' of foreign rule, some known worldwide, will vanish. And soon Bangalore - of 'Bangalored' fame - will be (un)known as Bengalooru.

To find those vanished names you'll have to go to less patriotic lands. Like the U.S. - which has no less than six Delhis, from towns to small communities. Besides, America has hundreds of place and street names in-sourced freely from across the world.

For those Indian politicians who thrive on instant achievements like changing city names, the patriotism meter reading for the U.S. is a big fat zero. But you can bet they are waiting for superpower numero uno to outsource the work, so that they can change Madras to Chennai and so on in the U.S.

BUSHY FAIRYTALES - LUCKY MIDDLE EAST!

It seems there will be no quick end to the good Mr. Bush and friends will do before they decide enough is enough. Crony Blair is already swinging as Special Envoy to bring peace to the Middle East. No peaceful retirement for him. But if there's anyone who can turn that whole region (not just Iraq) into a haven of tranquillity - other than GWB himself - it's Blair. Lucky Middle East!

Let's think what other Bush friends can do for the world after retirement.

Rumseld will make an ideal Special Envoy for Human Rights. No greater lover of human rights anywhere on this earth. And Dick Cheney? Oh, he'll be a fine Special Envoy for Environment Protection. No one better qualified. Oil companies and those reconstructing Iraq (after a thorough deconstruction) will heave a huge sigh of relief.

What about President Bush himself? You bet he'll be the best Special Envoy to Denmark. Denmark? Yes, Denmark. Why Denmark? Because it's the home of Hans Christian Andersen, the master of fairytales. Because Bush is no mean fairytale teller himself. Remember? Saving the world from WMD? Saving Iraq from Iraqis? Mission Accomplished? Remember how dashing he looked on that warship's deck in a fighter pilot's suit?

When those four Special Envoys have accomplished their missions, we can all sit back, put up our feet on the rubble and say: 'What a lucky world!'

INSIGHT INDIA - ANOTHER WAY TO GET BANGALORED

Here's another way to get Bangalored. Lesser known than outsourcing. And it happens if you are innocent enough to trust the dictionary meaning of words. In Bangalore-speak, for example, 'It will be definitely done,' could as well mean 'You can keep on hoping,' or 'I'll forget about this in two minutes.' 'I'll see you tomorrow,' could mean the speaker will see you next week, next month, or anywhere from here to eternity. 'It'll work. 100%. Guaranteed,' could mean 'It depends on your luck, man,' or 'Don't be stupid! Who can guarantee anything on this earth?'

Luckily, there are exceptions. People who betray Bangalore-speak.

So this is one way to get Bangalored you can easily avoid. How? Just don't trust your dictionary. That's the trick. Simple enough. I assure you it will work. Definitely! Guaranteed! A 100%!

THE FUNNY THING ABOUT YOUR CALORIE BANK ACCOUNT - HEALTHTIPS

The funny thing about your body's CALORIE bank account is that it works the same way as your MONEY bank account, but has the opposite consequences.

MONEY income > expenditure = growing bank balance = Happy Guy.

CALORIE income (intake) > expenditure = growing bank balance = Unhappy Guy.

(Why? Because the excess calories are converted into fat and stored as deposits in different parts of the body. Including the wrong ones, like the arteries. So you're going to put on weight. And that won't make anyone happy except a Skinny who's trying to pad up.)

The ideal CALORIE account situation is where (if you are trim and fit) your intake is more or less equal to your expenditure. Your body weight wiil then remain more or less the same. And that, in general, is an indicator of good health. Obviously, if you're overweight you need to reduce intake or increase expenditure, or do both. You must do that in a medically regulated way. And how will you check if you are doing it right? Some people calculate the calories in every bit of food they eat. Those are people with too much time (and food?) on their hands. Others check their weight every day, at times every morning and evening. Those are people who believe in magic. The simplest practical way is to check your weight once in two weeks or so.

Well, good luck! May you keep your CALORIE bank balance at a low happy level.
(For more simple Health and Fitness Tips see the side bar.)

INSIGHT INDIA - BANGALORED PAVEMENTS

Welcome to Bangalore! India's IT hub. And a franticity of infrastructure developments. Take one fascinating example. The brand new pavements. A potential tourist attraction. Come with your cameras. Take pictures. But don't try to step up and walk on them...without a walking stick. In places you may have to climb heights of over a foot. And the height varies unpredictably through the length of any pavement. In addition similar ups and downs and other impediments are provided on the pavement. To test your agility. And nerve. Locals prefer to walk on the road and risk the haywire traffic. But those pavements are beautiful. To look at. Solid concrete. Obviously, the more the concrete dumped on them, the higher the cost of the project. That should make some people very, very happy.

So...if you want to see some of the finest, user-unfriendly pavements anywhere, don't go anywhere else. Come to globalized Bangalore. Don't forget your camera, pal. And a walking stick. (More INSIGHT INDIA stories at www.myspace.com/india_realities)

INSIGHT INDIA - CROSSING A BANGALORED STREET

Here's how to cross a busy street in a globalized Indian city like Bangalore. Yes, even at a clearly-marked zebra. Before you take a step it's advisable to look LEFT, RIGHT, BEHIND and UP. Why UP? you'll surely ask me. Is it because of the heavy helicopter traffic of software CEO's flying to work? No. That's still exceptional. But a falling tree branch or live electric cable is not tOO exceptional. Specially in the rains. Besides, by looking UP you are signalling to the Almighty that you're about to cross...and commending yourself to His protection.That's called double insurance.

Remember this safety routine. LEFT. RIGHT. BEHIND. And UP. And, once you've crossed safely, don't forget to say a brief: 'Thank you, God!' (More India Insight stories at www.myspace.com/india_realities)


[Pradeep says: 'What about looking DOWN? What about potholes?' I assumed potholes were impossible at a clearly-marked zebra, even in globalized Bangalore. But I could easily be wrong. A pothole of thanks to you, Pradeep!]

BUSHY FAIRYTALES - STEADY BLAIR

The British PM's visit to the White House before leaving office is not just an act of courtesy. It proves that he remains steadfast - to the end - in his commitment to sink with Bush.

Sing or sink, Bush will be a deeply grateful man. Imagine the President's response. He may start with the biggest wink of his Presidency. Follow up with another friendly (rib-shaking) thump on Blair's back. Next, an emotional whisper in the PM's ear: 'My own (s)teady B(l)air!' And finally, perhaps, an offer. To have Blair replace another Bush buddy ss head of the World Bank.

Surely, that happy ending will have them singing a duet. As they sink?

KNOWING YOUTH

You'll be surprised how knowledgeable some of today's youth are. On tech. Science. Whatever. Ask them about coffee flavours. They'll count out 50. From latte to French vanilla. Ask them about Bluetooth advantages of the latest Nokia. Or the automatic safety features of the Mitsubishi Lancer. They will list those out. On their fingertips. Ask them about the Big Bang. And BANG comes the answer: 'The wildest, hottest action show in town!' You bet they know it!

In town!!?? Friends, believe me, I'm sure they mean the universe.

TUSSAUD'S SCHOOL OF ACTING

Another Indian filmstar immobilized at the famous London waxworks! Woo! That's good news. Most Bollywood stars stand to gain from being turned into wax. Those dummies will tell their originals at least two things. One: For God's sake, stop overacting. And, two: Please stop wriggle-dancing at the drop of a dime.

What a unique school of acting! Thank you, Madame Tussaud.

BUSHY FAIRYTALES - AMBUSHED

Is there anyone out there whose sweetest daydreams are of handing back Iraq to Saddam?

Sorry. No prizes for the right or wrong answers.

WINNING DRINK - Cricket - World Cup

India's early exit from the 2007 cricket World Cup was taken almost as a national calamity. But now things are brightening. All due to an ad. An ad which tells Indians exactly how to win the next World Cup four years away. It's very simple. First, get your India colours tailored right away. Then, sit back (or stand up) and drink up all the Pepsi Gold you can. Till 2011.

Personally, I think you need to drink something stronger.
Pradeep's blog