INSIGHT INDIA - ANOTHER WAY TO GET BANGALORED

Here's another way to get Bangalored. Lesser known than outsourcing. And it happens if you are innocent enough to trust the dictionary meaning of words. In Bangalore-speak, for example, 'It will be definitely done,' could as well mean 'You can keep on hoping,' or 'I'll forget about this in two minutes.' 'I'll see you tomorrow,' could mean the speaker will see you next week, next month, or anywhere from here to eternity. 'It'll work. 100%. Guaranteed,' could mean 'It depends on your luck, man,' or 'Don't be stupid! Who can guarantee anything on this earth?'

Luckily, there are exceptions. People who betray Bangalore-speak.

So this is one way to get Bangalored you can easily avoid. How? Just don't trust your dictionary. That's the trick. Simple enough. I assure you it will work. Definitely! Guaranteed! A 100%!

THE FUNNY THING ABOUT YOUR CALORIE BANK ACCOUNT - HEALTHTIPS

The funny thing about your body's CALORIE bank account is that it works the same way as your MONEY bank account, but has the opposite consequences.

MONEY income > expenditure = growing bank balance = Happy Guy.

CALORIE income (intake) > expenditure = growing bank balance = Unhappy Guy.

(Why? Because the excess calories are converted into fat and stored as deposits in different parts of the body. Including the wrong ones, like the arteries. So you're going to put on weight. And that won't make anyone happy except a Skinny who's trying to pad up.)

The ideal CALORIE account situation is where (if you are trim and fit) your intake is more or less equal to your expenditure. Your body weight wiil then remain more or less the same. And that, in general, is an indicator of good health. Obviously, if you're overweight you need to reduce intake or increase expenditure, or do both. You must do that in a medically regulated way. And how will you check if you are doing it right? Some people calculate the calories in every bit of food they eat. Those are people with too much time (and food?) on their hands. Others check their weight every day, at times every morning and evening. Those are people who believe in magic. The simplest practical way is to check your weight once in two weeks or so.

Well, good luck! May you keep your CALORIE bank balance at a low happy level.
(For more simple Health and Fitness Tips see the side bar.)

INSIGHT INDIA - BANGALORED PAVEMENTS

Welcome to Bangalore! India's IT hub. And a franticity of infrastructure developments. Take one fascinating example. The brand new pavements. A potential tourist attraction. Come with your cameras. Take pictures. But don't try to step up and walk on them...without a walking stick. In places you may have to climb heights of over a foot. And the height varies unpredictably through the length of any pavement. In addition similar ups and downs and other impediments are provided on the pavement. To test your agility. And nerve. Locals prefer to walk on the road and risk the haywire traffic. But those pavements are beautiful. To look at. Solid concrete. Obviously, the more the concrete dumped on them, the higher the cost of the project. That should make some people very, very happy.

So...if you want to see some of the finest, user-unfriendly pavements anywhere, don't go anywhere else. Come to globalized Bangalore. Don't forget your camera, pal. And a walking stick. (More INSIGHT INDIA stories at www.myspace.com/india_realities)

INSIGHT INDIA - CROSSING A BANGALORED STREET

Here's how to cross a busy street in a globalized Indian city like Bangalore. Yes, even at a clearly-marked zebra. Before you take a step it's advisable to look LEFT, RIGHT, BEHIND and UP. Why UP? you'll surely ask me. Is it because of the heavy helicopter traffic of software CEO's flying to work? No. That's still exceptional. But a falling tree branch or live electric cable is not tOO exceptional. Specially in the rains. Besides, by looking UP you are signalling to the Almighty that you're about to cross...and commending yourself to His protection.That's called double insurance.

Remember this safety routine. LEFT. RIGHT. BEHIND. And UP. And, once you've crossed safely, don't forget to say a brief: 'Thank you, God!' (More India Insight stories at www.myspace.com/india_realities)


[Pradeep says: 'What about looking DOWN? What about potholes?' I assumed potholes were impossible at a clearly-marked zebra, even in globalized Bangalore. But I could easily be wrong. A pothole of thanks to you, Pradeep!]

BUSHY FAIRYTALES - STEADY BLAIR

The British PM's visit to the White House before leaving office is not just an act of courtesy. It proves that he remains steadfast - to the end - in his commitment to sink with Bush.

Sing or sink, Bush will be a deeply grateful man. Imagine the President's response. He may start with the biggest wink of his Presidency. Follow up with another friendly (rib-shaking) thump on Blair's back. Next, an emotional whisper in the PM's ear: 'My own (s)teady B(l)air!' And finally, perhaps, an offer. To have Blair replace another Bush buddy ss head of the World Bank.

Surely, that happy ending will have them singing a duet. As they sink?

KNOWING YOUTH

You'll be surprised how knowledgeable some of today's youth are. On tech. Science. Whatever. Ask them about coffee flavours. They'll count out 50. From latte to French vanilla. Ask them about Bluetooth advantages of the latest Nokia. Or the automatic safety features of the Mitsubishi Lancer. They will list those out. On their fingertips. Ask them about the Big Bang. And BANG comes the answer: 'The wildest, hottest action show in town!' You bet they know it!

In town!!?? Friends, believe me, I'm sure they mean the universe.

TUSSAUD'S SCHOOL OF ACTING

Another Indian filmstar immobilized at the famous London waxworks! Woo! That's good news. Most Bollywood stars stand to gain from being turned into wax. Those dummies will tell their originals at least two things. One: For God's sake, stop overacting. And, two: Please stop wriggle-dancing at the drop of a dime.

What a unique school of acting! Thank you, Madame Tussaud.